The Mystery of Marriage

MP3 File: 

20100502 Sermon.mp3

Marriage is a mystery!

Socrates, the ancient philosopher, said, "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." [Sacred Marriage, p 11]

Good or bad—marriage keeps people guessing: Should I marry or not? Will I find the right one? Who is it? There is much about marriage that is a mystery.

We say God invented marriage, but still we wonder: What was God thinking when he invented marriage? What did he hope to accomplish?

We wonder: Why did God say everything he created was good—land and sea, plants and trees, day and night, fish and animals and birds—but he said it was not good for the man he created? Why did he look at Adam and say, "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Gen 2:18).

We wonder: Why did God design us to share our lives with another person? Why did God invent marriage?

Some of you might think: Well, I'm not married... was married years ago... have never been married... never hope to be married... so what good will a sermon on marriage do for me? The fact is, it is possible to learn spiritual truths from a very human institution called marriage.

• We don't have to herd sheep to learn the lessons of Psalm 23—The Lord is my Shepherd...
• We don't have to draw our water from a well to discover Jesus' promise to the woman at the well—Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life (John 4:13-14).
• We don't have to be a farmer to appreciate the truths illustrated by the farmer who went out to sow his seed.
• We don't have to be ruled by a king to understand principles of the kingdom of God.
• Whether we have a good marriage or a bad marriage or no marriage, there are lessons we can learn from marriage about God and our relationship with him.

Marriage is a God-ordained institution designed to bring order into this world to accomplish his purpose. But it is also a tool God uses to teach us about himself.

Having said that, I want to begin this series of messages by affirming that there is much about marriage that we are still trying to figure out.

Marriage is a mystery! I don't know anyone who would honestly claim to have it all figured out. Marriage is a mystery. Even the Bible tells us that! In Ephesians we read:

³¹ "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." ³² This is a profound mystery... (Eph 5:31-32).

Think of it! According to the Apostle Paul (who was a pretty smart guy), marriage is a mystery—not just a simple mystery, but a profound mystery, a great mystery. Marriage is something that is hard to figure out.

In the context of Paul's letter to the Ephesians, we see that it's a mystery how two people can become so joined together that they become one—which is what marriage is supposed to be: two individuals being joined together supernaturally in some mystical union.

A sack of potatoes (each potato individual, separate, distinct) can become a single bowl of mashed potatoes. It's kind of like two becoming one. But when you cut the potatoes into pieces, boil them in water, and then mash them into a bowl, the potatoes have lost their individual identities. They have lost all their distinction. All their unique qualities. This is not what it means for two to become one—because the husband and the wife, though joined together as one, remain individuals. They retain their individual personalities, opinions, feelings, and preferences. Marriage is not like a bowl of mashed potatoes.

So what does it mean for two individuals—different, diverse, distinct—to become one? It's a mystery!

Proverbs says there are seven things that are amazing, seven things that are hard to understand. And one of those incomprehensible things is "the way of a man with a maiden" (Prov 30:19). It's a mystery!

In the natural world, one plus one equals two. But in the supernatural realm (according to God's mathematics), one plus one equals one!

So how does this formula work out in practical ways? What does it really mean to be "one flesh"—so completely united with another person that together you are one entity? And perhaps even more important, what does this teach us about God? About his relationship to us?

We're not going to clear up the mystery here today. In fact, on one level I suspect God wants us to enjoy the mystery of marriage—because it's partly in the mystery that we keep a marriage vibrant and alive. There should be a certain intrigue of the unknown in a marriage. We do well when we can maintain the thrill of discovery in our relationship.

(Of course, when you've been married for 25, 35, 45 years, it becomes a bit more challenging to keep discovering something new. How to keep that happening is another aspect of the mystery.)

We're not going to solve the mystery of marriage, certainly not completely. But there is one thing we can say for sure right up front: God is behind the mystery.

Marriage was God's idea.

• God was the one who said it was not good for the man to be alone (Gen 2:18).
• God was the one who said, "a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Gen 2:24).
• God was the one who said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness..." (Gen 1:26), and—here's a mystery—the Bible says that to create us in his image, God created us male and female" (Gen 1:27).
• In other words, if he had created only male, we would have a deficient, limited view of God's image. If you want to grasp more of God, you need the bigger picture. You need to grasp something of the mystery of male and female together. It's a mystery.

There's nothing like a good whodunit. These days one of the most popular shows on television is CSI. Maybe you like a good mystery thriller. Maybe you're an Agatha Christie fan. In my youth, I devoured A. Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories: The Hound of the Baskervilles, The Red-Headed League, The Adventure of the Speckled Band. We like to work through the clues trying to solve the mystery.

Well, God has given us a great mystery! Marriage was God's idea, so he is the Author of the marriage mystery.

I hope that doesn't bother you, because it shouldn't. Knowing God is the Author of marriage should reassure. Because God is behind it, we can feel good about it—even while we struggle to solve the mystery.

For one thing, it's easier to accept the mysteries we don't know when we remember the things we do know. When we know...

1. that God has a plan, that he is behind marriage—he invented it;
2. that God guides us—he leads and directs us in marriage;
3. that God uses marriage as means to help us trust him more;
4. and that God uses marriage as an object lesson to teach us about himself;

at least then we can manage somewhat to live with the mystery of the things we don't know.

[From Genesis 24.] One day a long time ago a young woman went to fill her water jar at the village well. A traveler standing there asked her for a drink, so she gave him some water. And then, something inside her prompted her to say, "I'll draw water for your camels too until they've finished drinking."

She didn't know it, but that inner prompting was the Spirit of God, leading and directing her. Her act of kindness was the very thing the traveler had asked God to use to show him the girl who was to marry his master's son, Isaac.

She didn't know Abraham had sent his servant with specific instructions: "Don't get a wife for my son from among the people where I am living. Instead, take a long journey and go to a different country—find a wife for my son there."

She didn't know that the traveler himself was wondering if this girl, Rebekah, was God's answer to his prayer. He watched as she made trip after trip with her jar, hauling water up to the trough, pouring it out. It takes a lot of water to satisfy ten thirsty camels weighed down with gifts of gold and silver!

There were a lot of things they didn't know. There was a lot of mystery and uncertainty and wondering. But God was at work in the midst of all their questions, revealing his plan to them.

The traveler told his story to the Rebekah's father and brother—how God had so clearly led him to her to be the wife for Isaac. And then he asked them to let him take her far away to a distant land to marry his master's son. They all could see that God was behind this marriage, so they said:

"The Lord has obviously brought you here [NASB: the matter comes from the Lord], so what can we say? Here is Rebekah; take her and go.... Let her be the wife of your master's son, as the Lord has directed (Gen 24:50-51, NLT).

Marriage is a mystery—a puzzle, a riddle. But there are some things marriage helps us to know...

1. God is behind marriage—that it's his idea—so we can celebrate the mystery! God had a plan for Isaac and Rebekah. They didn't know each other, but he knew them both. They lived far apart and never would have met if God had not intervened. 
   God has a plan for each of us. (Each plan is different, of course. Jesus even spoke of a few who would not marry because God had a better plan for them [Matt 19:12].)
2. God guides us. He promises to lead us and direct us in marriage—if we will let him (Prov 3:5-6). God can use thirsty camels and spring-fed wells. On an ordinary day, doing her ordinary chores, Rebekah went to the well to get water—but what she got was a husband. What she found was God's will and purpose for her life. And God will use the circumstances of your life to lead you in his plan.
3. God uses marriage as a means to help us trust him more. To follow God's plan Rebekah had to leave everything that was familiar to her—her home, her family, her friends—to go far away to a place she had never been before. That was risky and scary—she had to learn to trust God. She didn't even get time for a decent farewell party. Her family wanted her to wait "ten days or so," but Abraham's servant wanted to leave the next day. So they asked Rebekah herself, "Will you go with this man?" (Gen 24:58). The marriage proposal taught her something more about trusting in God.
4. God wants to use marriage as an object lesson to teach us about himself—to teach us about his mysterious ways. In fact, the Apostle Paul tells us this mystery of marriage is actually a picture of Christ and his bride—the church (Eph 5:31-32): 
   ³¹ "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." ³² This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Once upon a time a prince was looking for a bride, so his father, the king, invited all the eligible young women of the land to come to the palace for a royal ball. All of them went to the ball hoping they would be chosen to be the prince's bride.

One of the young women, however, knew she could never be chosen by the prince. First of all, she knew she couldn't go to the ball because she was a poor, undeserving servant. Second, because she worked in the kitchen, she was dirty, bedraggled, and covered with the grime from long hours of work. Why even if she could clean up, she had nothing to wear to the ball.

But through a series of incredible events, at the last minute, she was able to attend the ball—and wonder of wonders, out of all the young women at the ball, the prince chose her.

Deep down, however, she knew she was an imposter. She was convinced that if the prince really knew who she was—a poor, dirty chambermaid—he wouldn't want her. So at the stroke of midnight she ran from the palace. She ran out into the night, away from the one who loved her.

You know the story. The prince searched all over the land for the one who had captured his heart. Again all the young women hoped to be chosen, and they tried to meet the prince's test—trying as hard as they could to squeeze a foot into the tiny glass slipper he carried with him. But for all their determined efforts, they could not win his love. The slipper fit only one person—the one he had already chosen.

Once upon a time, the Prince of Peace, the Son of the Heavenly King, came searching throughout the land for his bride. He came searching for you and for me. But how could he choose us? We didn't deserve his attention, much less his love. We were poor and unworthy. We were dirty, bedraggled by sin. We were covered with the grime of the miserable world we live in. We couldn't clean ourselves up, and we had nothing decent to wear to the ball.

But miraculously, grace made it possible for us to attend the ball. And though it's an incredible mystery why, the Prince chose us!

Yet still we feel like an imposter. When we remember where we've come from and all that we've done, we don't feel good enough to deserve his love. When we remember the mess we've made of things and recall all our sin and filth, we can't imagine he'd really love us. So we run from the one who loves us. We make excuses. We hide behind objections. We run into the night, away from the one who loves us.

Some try to win his favor by their determination—by their best efforts. They try to squeeze themselves into his expectations, but it doesn't fit. They all fail. You see, the love of the Prince cannot be gained by hard work. His love is available only for those who find it by grace alone. It's for those who discover by grace that his love fits them—it's for the ones he has chosen to be his bride.

The story isn't finished yet. We know the shoe fits, but the question is: Will you wear it? The Prince proposes marriage; he wants you to be his bride. Will you accept his proposal? He offers grace—an undeserved gift—a ring of love to slip on your finger. Will you receive his grace? He calls you to leave the dirt and filth of your past. He invites you to go with him to his palace. Will you leave your past behind? Will you become his bride and trust him to go to a new place?

Marriage is a mystery. But it's no mystery that God is behind marriage. He's the one who brings two together and makes them one. And he's the one who wants us to be united together as one with him.

When we see marriage in this light, we should respond by accepting his proposal and becoming his bride, his church. But seeing his high picture of marriage should also challenge us to live out his love and commitment in our own marriages!

In the next few weeks, we'll look more at some of the practical implications of God's lessons for our marriage relationships. Be sure you're here next week (and invite a friend) to hear how the mystery continues: When Opposites Attract.