Step Up: To Selfless Love

October 14, 2007 message by Pastor Rich Doebler

For the past few weeks, we've been looking at ways that we can "Step Up" as believers—to live out of faith in everyday ways and become more mature in our walk with Christ. We've talked about stepping up: to better things—things that accompany salvation; to a higher call—to walk worthy of the call with which God has called us; to greater service; to fuller joy.

Today I'd like to talk about we—as followers of Christ—need to step up to selfless love. Jesus said:

John 15:12-13 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)

John 15:12-13 This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. (MSG)

The 80s were known as the Me generation. The baby boomer motto became: "What's in it for me?"

Then we were told to constantly affirm our children no matter what and boost their self-esteem with praise and flattery—even if they're little brats who don't deserve it. So now we have an I generation—complete with iPods and iPhones and iWantThis and iWantThat. Some call it the Entitlement generation: they are smart, a bit arrogant, and sometimes swagger. They don't ask, "What's in it for me?" they demand. They say, "Here's what you need to do for me" or "I expect (insist on) this."

But I don't think we should be too hard on this generation. They're only displaying what is true of every generation. Human nature—no matter what decade—is to be selfish, not selfless. Some of our earliest words—right after Mama and Dada—are MINE! and NO!

We can buy books like Looking Out for #1, but I'm not sure why we need to buy books like that. We do it instinctively. No one has to teach us to demand our rights or assert ourselves. We've been doing that since we were two years old. It is human nature.

Our legal system exacerbates this selfish nature. If you don't get your way, sue somebody! In 1991, Richard Overton sued Anheuser-Busch for false and misleading advertising involving, among other things, fantasies of beautiful women in tropical settings that came to life for two men driving a Bud Light truck. On top of two charges for false advertising, he added a third complaint claiming to have suffered emotional distress, mental injury, and financial loss in excess of $10,0000 due to the misleading Bud Light ads.

In 2005, Austin Aitken sued NBC for $2.5 million because an episode of "Fear Factor" caused him "suffering, injury, and great pain." He said watching contestants eat rats on television made him dizzy and light-headed, causing him to vomit and run into a doorway.

(Well, I'd say that's worth $2.5 million...but only because he ran into the doorway. Vomiting alone would be worth only $1.5 million.)

In 2006, Allen Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Nike founder Phil Knight for $832 million. He claimed to suffer defamation, permanent injury, and emotional pain and suffering because people often mistook him for the basketball star. [http://www.the-injury-lawyer-directory.com/ridiculous_lawsuits.html]

We live in a seriously dysfunctional society! So many are motivated by greed and selfishness. So many refuse to take responsibility for their own decisions and actions. It seems that our society has glorified human nature to new levels.

But along comes Jesus with a completely counter-cultural message: Love each other as I have loved you; show the greatest kind of love; lay down your lives for your friends. You've heard these difficult sayings of Jesus the run against the grain of human nature and society:

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matt 5:44).

If someone hits you on the right cheek, turn the other cheek (Matt 5:39).

If someone forces you to go one mile, go the second mile (Matt 5:41).

If someone tries to take your shirt, give him your coat as well (Matt 5:40).

Jesus' teachings are hard to grasp; they're even more difficult to live out. His ways clash with the ways of the world. Imagine a debate where political candidates operated according to Phil 2:3—

Don't do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast, but be humble toward one another, always considering others better than yourselves. (TEV) It would never happen!

Jesus came to confront the culture, to go against the tide of popular opinion. He taught that the world's ways are not the best ways. But Jesus didn't just teach us about love, he showed it. He demonstrated the greatest kind of love by laying down his for us. And he said, Love each other as I have loved you.

How many of you know that seeing or experiencing something has much more impact than merely hearing about it? The best teaching is more than words—it is when we see the principle lived out in front of our eyes or in our lives.

You can tell your toddler to stop pulling the cat's tail... You can read books to your kid about the right way to treat your pets. You can lecture him. You can use pictures and diagrams to teach your two year old all about cats and their claws. But when that cat turns and rakes its claws across your darling's hand, he's learned a lesson that you can't get from teaching. He's experienced something.

We don't need to learn about love. We need to experience love.

Some things are better caught than taught. That's why Jesus didn't just teach about selfless love—he lived it. Those who walked with him and followed him experienced real love.

If we're going to step up to selfless love, we need to experience selfless love. If we're going to share love with others, we're need to encounter that love for ourselves.

One reason why so many cannot show love is that they have never really felt love. Too many people in our society are living by the world's standards because they have never experienced anything other than that. Those who have experienced nothing but competition, back-biting, rejection, and hurt are not going to suddenly become loving just because they read it in the Bible.

1. To lay down your life: first Experience the love of One who laid his life down for you.

You cannot give what you have never received. That's why we need to experience the love of God. We need to discover his unconditional, boundless love. We need to come to grips with our desperate spiritual need—to recognize how we are sinners, without hope, deserving nothing. And then, in that impossible situation, we need to meet Jesus at the cross. In our desperate condition, in our unworthiness, we need to experience God's lavish love and grace poured out from the cross all over our sin and hurt and pain.

We can show love only after we experience love.

One time Jesus went to the home of a Pharisee to have dinner. When he got there, the Pharisee didn't show him any of the normal customs of hospitality for that time. He didn't greet him with a kiss—a sign of respect, especially for an honored guest like a rabbi. He didn't give him any water to wash the dust of the road off his feet. He didn't offer any scented oil to freshen up.

Then an amazing thing happened. A woman came into the open courtyard—a woman with an unsavory reputation around town for living a very sinful life. It's possible she was a prostitute. But she was also a broken woman, destroyed by her sins, sorry for her life, and repentant. She came in weeping and stood next to Jesus, who according to the custom of the time was reclining on a couch to eat. Her tears fell on Jesus' feet. It seems her troubled life opened a flood of tears, and soon Jesus' feet were wet with tears. Then she unloosened her hair—a shockingly brazen, immodest act in that culture. On her wedding day, a proper Jewish woman would bind up her hair and would never let her hair down in public again. But this woman forgot all about customs and wiped Jesus' wet feet with her hair. Then she kissed his feet and poured very expensive perfume over them.

The dinner guests were aghast. The Pharisee became indignant, thinking to himself, "This Jesus isn't very spiritual. He certainly can't be a prophet, or he would know what kind of a terrible, sinful woman is at his feet, making a spectacle."

At that point, Jesus began telling a story about two men who owed money—one significantly more than the other—but their creditor let them both off. Jesus asked the Pharisee, "Which of them will love him more?"

"Well," he said, "I suppose it would be the one who had the bigger debt canceled."

"You're absolutely right," Jesus said. Then he made his point. "I came to your house, but you didn't greet me with a kiss—she did. You didn't wash my feet—she did. You didn't give me scented oil—she did. You're all bent out of shape because she's lived a sinful life, but I'm telling you that her sins, like a large debt, have been forgiven. The more someone experiences forgiveness and love, the more she can return love. But he who has been forgiven little, loves little." (Luke 7:36-50)

Don't expect to learn how to love just by reading the Bible or listening to sermons. If you really want to learn how to love selflessly, you must experience Jesus' love for yourself. You must be forgiven. And when you truly encounter the love of God demonstrated on the cross, it must make an impact in the way you relate to those in your life—your spouse, for instance.

After 10 years of marriage, Cindy and Chip Altemos were in the long process of getting a divorce. The baggage they brought from previous marriages seemed too great to overcome, so they separated and even agreed to date other people.

Several years later they were finally ready to make their divorce official. But then Chip went into the hospital with kidney failure. With his health deteriorating rapidly, his soon-to-be ex-wife came to his aid—in spite of Chip's being in another relationship at the time. "He was still my husband. There was no way I could walk around with two kidneys, and he had none," Cindy told the press. "It was the right thing to do." She agreed to donate a kidney, telling Chip there were no strings attached—no written agreement concerning a better share in divorce court.

The transplant took place on February 21, 2007, and a funny thing happened as they both recovered in the hospital: they fell back in love. Chip thought to himself, Why would I want to date someone else, when I have a woman who would give part of herself so I can keep living? He put an end to his other relationship and asked Cindy to come back home with him. The two will be married 17 years in October. [Associated Press, "Kidney Saves Marriage," www.foxnews.com (5-6-07)]

Greater love means laying down your life for someone. Cindy gave a part of herself for Chip. Can you give a piece of yourself for your spouse?

The Bible tells us that wives should respect and honor their husbands, and husbands should love their wives "as Christ loved the church." He laid down his life for us! If we've experienced that kind of love, then let's allow that love to flavor our relationships—especially with our spouse!

Even when I think of the love and forgiveness I've received from the Lord, I still have issues.

Lay my life down for my wife? That I can do. Once. Having to die daily for her, however, is when it gets difficult: sacrificing my way, going the extra mile, giving in to her interests, letting her have her way, surrendering my rights, being a doormat.

It's one thing to leap in front of a speeding truck and lay down your life as you push someone else to safety; it's something quite different to have to do that every day. Dying once for love is an extraordinary thing; dying daily is impossible by human standards. Dying once is easy compared to dying 1,000 times, day after day. But in the name of love that's what we're called to do.

2. To lay down your life: Put love into action.

God calls us to live a life of selfless love so we can have an impact on our selfish, self-centered world. The most powerful influence we can have on others is the influence of love. God calls us to step up to a greater love by laying down our lives—not by talking about love.

1 John 3:16-18 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (NIV)

Laying down your life means putting love into action—and not just talking about it. It means to give freely and generously whatever you can—and not just money. Money is often the easiest thing to give; your time and compassion are more precious commodities.

It's often easier to give money in order to avoid giving ourselves.

Jim Cymbala, pastor of Brooklyn Gospel Tabernacle, tells how one Sunday in their church services, a woman...told the story of how she came to Christ. She described in raw detail the horrors of her former life. At the last service, a street person named David stood in the back listening closely.

The meeting ended, and Pastor Cymbala was exhausted. After giving and giving, he had just started to unwind when he saw David coming his way. He thought to himself, I'm so tired...and now this guy's going to hit me up for money.

When David got close, the smell took Pastor Cymbala's breath away—it was a mixture of urine, sweat, garbage, and alcohol. After exchanging a few words, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple of dollars for David, as if to say, Here's some money. Now get out of here.

David looked at the pastor intently, stuck his finger in his face, and said, "Look, I don't want your money. I'm going to die out there. I want the Jesus this girl talked about."

Jim Cymbala paused. Then looked upward and closed his eyes, praying quietly, "God, forgive me." For a few moments, he stood with his eyes closed, feeling soiled and cheap. Then a change came over him and he began to feel this man's pain. He began to see him as someone Christ had brought into the church for that moment.

Pastor Cymbala spread out his arms and embraced David. Holding his head to his chest, he talked to him about his life and about Christ. But it wasn't just the words. Cymbala says he really felt what he was saying. He loved this man. And that smell, that horrible odor that had almost made his sick before, inexplicably became a beautiful thing to him. Cymbala reveled in what had been repulsive.

...divine love became supernatural power. [Leadership, F, 1993, pp 67-68]

When that supernatural love is flowing through us, we can find the power to do things we could never do on our own.

3. To lay down your life: Imitate God by giving yourself.

Ephesians 5:1-2 Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (NIV)

God gave his only Son. Jesus gave himself up. He became a fragrant offering. He offered himself as a sacrifice to God. We cannot love fully unless we follow Christ's example and learn to give ourselves fully.

4. To lay down your life: Plant yourself in the world.

Laying down your life doesn't mean running away from the world. It doesn't mean avoiding the world. Laying down your life is not about sacrificing all the pleasures and activities of the world. To the contrary, laying down your life means putting yourself into the world.

Jesus asks us a question: Do you want to make a difference? Do you want to extend your impact on this world? Do you want to multiply the effectiveness and fruitfulness of your life? Then you have to lay down your life. Jesus said:

John 12:24 I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (NIV)

To multiply your life you must be planted—you must lay down your life. To extend your impact in this world and produce a larger harvest for eternity, you must lay down your life. You must "fall to the ground" to produce many seeds.

October 2, 2006, was a dark day for the Amish community of Nickel Mines, PA. That morning, a local milkman named Charles Carl Roberts barricaded himself inside the West Nickel Mine Amish School. He was armed with three guns, knives, and over 600 rounds of ammunition. When police showed up, he opened fire on 11 girls—all less than 14-years-old—killing five, and then took his own life.

Later two of the survivors told another story—one of courage, faith, and love. When 13-year-old Marie Fisher began to understand what Charles Carl Roberts intended to do, she made a request. "Shoot me first," she said, "and leave the other ones loose." As the oldest child in the group, she hoped her death might somehow spare the other children or provide more time for their rescue. Immediately after this request, Marie's younger sister Barbie added one more. "Shoot me second," she said.

The story of the girls' bravery and sacrificial love impacted millions of people across the country. But according to Rita Rhoads, a local midwife close to the family of the two girls, their faith also affected their attacker. "He asked them to pray for him," Rhoads said. "I think that's amazing. He recognized they had something he didn't." [Mike Wereschagin, "‘Shoot Me First,' Victim Said," Pittsburgh Tribune-Review (10-6-06)]

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13, NIV)