2 Corinthians 12:7-10
7 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Here's the emotional side of unanswered prayers. It's not just clinical. It's not just lessons to be learned. It's not just formulas for getting God to listen. When our prayers seem to be going nowhere, we have to deal with all kinds of feelings.
What do you feel like when you're talking to someone—your husband, your kids—and the one you're talking to doesn't answer you? How do you feel when you're ignored?
Verizon TV ad: The young man talking on his cell phone addresses "Mr. McDermitt." The older man says, "Why don't you call me Jim? You're going to be my son-in-law in a couple of weeks, and I'd like you to think of me as a friend." The younger man, tentatively taking him up on his request, and becoming a bit more playful, says, "OK...Jim, Jimmy Boy, Jimbo, the Jimster, Jimmy crack corn and I don't care." What follows is an awkward silence, caused by the older man's cell phone cutting out. The younger man suddenly becomes very ill at ease. He nervously tries to get some sort of positive feedback: "Uh...Jim? Mr. McDermitt? Sir?"
Like that young man, when we get silence from God, we're left with confusion, anxiety, fear, uncertainty. When prayers go unanswered, we'll have to deal with a lot of feelings—for several reasons:
1. We want our troubles fixed. We can identify with Paul because he wanted his problem solved. If you have a problem, you want it fixed.
We don't know exactly what Paul's problem was. There are several theories—because his problem was "in the flesh" some think it was a physical problem or illness. Different versions translate the word in different ways: handicap, painful physical problem, ailment. Some speculate it was a vision problem because in another passage he talks about some who wanted to give him their own eyes (Gal 4:15).
Paul said his problem was a "thorn in the flesh." The word "thorn" in the original text meant something sharp—it could have been something irritating, a nuisance—like a splinter.
You know how aggravating a splinter can be when you can't seem to get it out. It doesn't ruin your life, but it's always there, pricking you when you're trying to do something else.
But the word "thorn" could also be used to describe a stake. "Better than a poke in the eye."
More than a "thorn in the flesh," Paul's problem was a "messenger from Satan" (the "adversary, opponent"). Bad things can happen to us because we have an enemy—a spiritual adversary. Jesus said "the thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10).
We want our troubles fixed. When they're not fixed, we can get emotional! Beyond that we may struggle simply because nothing seems to be happening.
2. We want God to hear us. We beg; we plead. We identify with Paul because he asked over and over—three times he came to God, asking that this thorn in the flesh be taken away.
All we know to do is to ask. Paul was persistent. He was determined. Sincere. Intense. He persevered, just like Jesus said he should be. Yet, despite all his praying, he didn't get the answer he was wanting.
We get excited when God answers our prayers the way we want—not just because he grants our request, but because we know he's heard us. It's an awesome thing to know that the Lord God Almighty has time to listen to us!
So when we don't get an answer, our first reaction may be to think that we're not getting through to him. We think he's not listening. We think he's ignoring us. But God hears us just fine.
It's just that he's working on something more important than the thing we're focused on.
Paul received an answer from God—it just wasn't the answer he wanted. Instead, God answered him by teaching him something and giving him a bigger experience with grace.
When Paul asked God to remove his thorn in the flesh, God told him, "No. The answer is no—I'm not taking away the thorn. I want you to learn to live with this problem."
This is the third reason why unanswered prayer can stir up such strong emotions within us.
3. We want our way. We think we have the perfect plan for our lives. We think we know what's best for our lives. And when God comes along and answers our prayers by saying, "No, I've got something else I want to do for you"—well, it messes with our heads.
How do you react? What do you say when God says he has something better for you than the thing you were asking for?
Sometimes I think, for me, God's answer can raise more questions. I want to know why this problem, this trouble, this thorn in the flesh can possibly be better than the plan I had for my life.
I'd bet Paul felt the same way. I think he would have wanted to know why God wanted him to live with this problem. Paul would have wanted an explanation.
It seems that God anticipated Paul's questions, because he gave him an explanation. In essence, God told Paul, "If I remove your thorn, four things are going to happen—and none of them are good."
First, (if I remove your thorn) you'll get a big head. (v 7 — "to keep me from becoming conceited")
God was telling Paul that if he took away the thorn in the flesh, Paul would get all puffed up—like a peacock. He would be proud about how spiritual he was. God knew that Paul needed to be taken down a peg or two. He'd had these incredible revelations. He was doing mighty exploits for the kingdom. God knew that there is nothing like a problem to keep a person humble and more spiritually sensitive.
Second, (if I remove your thorn) you'll miss God's fuller grace. (v 9 — "he said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you.'")
If direct answers to prayer come because of grace, no answer to prayer requires even more grace! Paul had to learn that grace alone is enough. If you have God's grace, anything else is insignificant.
Answers to prayer are not about how good we are or how deserving we are. Answers to prayer are not about our efforts or our reputation. Whether the answer is yes or no, it's all about God's grace!
And if all your problems are solved, you won't understand that God's grace is all you need. Coping and living with a problem takes you to a whole new level of grace. Only then can we discover that God's grace is more than enough for us.
Third, (if I remove your thorn) you'll have only physical strength. (v 9 — "my power is made perfect in weakness.") Our "strength" is not enough—God is looking for our "weakness."
1 Cor 1:25 — For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
The best we have cannot compare to what God offers. Our strength can't come close to the weakness of God. Our so-called wisdom is foolishness to God. Our righteousness is like filthy rags to him.
It's only when we face our weakness that we can connect with God's strength. As long as we're trying to do something on our own, we're a roadblock to the work God wants to do in us.
Someone has said God is not looking for those with ability; he's looking for those with availability. He doesn't need able people; he needs available people.
When we learn to accept our physical limitations and handicaps, that's when we open the door to God's incredible power. It's only when we confess our sins, that we can receive God's grace and forgiveness.
Step 1 (of the Twelve Steps): We admitted we were powerless... that our lives had become unmanageable. This recognition is the first step towards wholeness.
Finally, (if I remove your thorn) you'll never see God's perspective. (v 10 — "I delight in weaknesses...for when I am weak, I am strong.")
Problems help us gain an eternal perspective. If all our problems were solved, we'd be stuck with an earthly viewpoint. We'd think that physical comfort is more important than our spiritual wellbeing.
Barbara Brown Taylor writes about her time one summer on a barrier island where loggerhead turtles were laying their eggs. One night while the tide was out, she watched a huge female heave herself up the beach to dig her nest and lay her eggs while slow, salt tears ran from her eyes. Afraid of disturbing her, Barbara left before she had finished her work. She came back the next morning to see if she could find where the eggs lay hidden in the sand. What she found were the turtle's tracks—only they led in the wrong direction. Instead of heading back out to sea, she had wandered into the dunes, which were already hot as asphalt in the morning sun.
A little ways inland Barbara found the turtle, exhausted and all but baked, her head and flippers caked with dried sand. She poured water on her and covered her with sea oats before tracking down a park ranger, who returned with a jeep to rescue her. But then something unusual happened. As Barbara watched in horror, the ranger flipped the huge turtle over on her back, wrapped tire chains around her front legs, and hooked the chains to the trailer hitch on his jeep. Then he took off, yanking her body forward so fast that her open mouth filled with sand and then disappeared underneath her as her neck bent so far back that Barbara was afraid it would break.
The ranger dragged the turtle over the dunes and down onto the beach; Barbara followed the path cut in the sand by her shell. At the ocean's edge, the ranger unhooked her and turned her right side up again. She lay motionless in the surf as the water lapped at her body, washing the sand from her eyes and making her skin shine again.
Then a particularly large wave broke over her, and she lifted her head slightly, moving her back legs as she did. Slowly, she revived. Every fresh wave brought her life back to her until one of them made her light enough to find a foothold and push off, back into the water that was her home.
Barbara Brown Taylor writes: "Watching her swim slowly away and remembering her nightmare ride through the dunes, I noted that it is sometimes hard to tell whether you are being killed or being saved by the hands that turn your life upside down." — From "Preaching the Terrors," The Art & Craft of Biblical Preaching (Zondervan, 2005).
Perhaps you've been confused by God's mysterious ways in your life. Maybe you've been unable to grasp what he's up to. Maybe you've been so stunned by the circumstances of your life that you're unable to move into the freedom he has put before you.
Unanswered prayers can be the tools God uses to bring us to a new place in our spiritual lives. They can be the means God uses to get our attention and teach us how to listen to him more completely.
See Why Are Some Prayers Unanswered? to see how this may apply to you.